So, it's been a heck of a summer. We are officially a full month into Summer Beach Project, and it has been an eventful summer. I have 3 beautiful, fun loving young ladies that are growing in front of my eyes. They are showing me what it means to be a daughter in Christ more diligently and more truthfully.
Being a room leader at project is an adventure that takes a lot of patience and humility. It is a task that pushes you past your limits and shows you how to be fully reliant on God...because reliance on anything else will resort in nothing more than misery for yourself and your girls. There is nothing more than God in life, and we have to remember this to move forward.
My schedule is a bit crazy and looks nothing like normal from week to week, which can be difficult for me because I so much enjoy organization and routine. I have meetings 4 mornings a week and work just as many nights. I have full days on sundays of participating in a local church and doing worship and planning time for the coming week with beach project. I am constantly squeezing in intentional time to spend with disciples and finding ways to help them grow. It's an adventure every day, not knowing what kind of sin-struggle or boy-drama will be arising. It's been a common theme this year to see and hear of passivity among the men on campus. We challenge them to be bold and to be intentional with their motives and their actions, as well as, to be straightforward with what they want or ask for out of the relationship. As far as sin-struggles go, those are always difficult. Core idols and core sins are forever a struggle to the devout, We must learn how to interact with the devil in a manner that encourages combatance and rejection in order to truly repent and run towards the Lord our God.
So some things that have been progressive this summer:
-I've witnessed the progress of men and women's walk with the Lord. I have heard of near 25 men and women on campus become Christians this summer and I have heard of multiple lives being rededicated to the Lord. It has been more than exciting to witness the furthering of the kingdom and to bring light to His life for who He is and what He has done for us.
-God has brought people and events into my life to teach me what it means to fully trust Him and to show me where I have actually been lacking in this. He has shown himself to me in the darkest and in the lightest moments of my life here at project thus far. He has shown me that I can and will be forever a daughter of His love and grace. I am thankful for a God who knows my vices and my ways of coping and avoiding Him. God has provided His son to show His love for me. God has harbored love in His heart to give me a second chance at life and tell me that I can be more than what my sin has created me to be.
-I have seen my best friend chase God like never before and hate his sin more than I have ever imagined him doing. He has put himself before the people who love him, and He has decided to take the steps towards Christ by repenting to God and asking Him to remove the sin from His life that He has not been able to escape.
-God has worked in the hearts of the kids here, convicting their hearts for the greater purpose of serving the nations and ministering to their friends and family in whatever ways that can in the coming months and years.
In all, I have been able to witness God work in people's lives first hand. I have been able to witness His hand in their lives, turning their thoughts, pulling their hearts, and pushing their boundaries. God is calling us all to be followers of Himself and to see that calling continue to be one accepted by those around me has been incredible. I am so impressed by His work and His love. God has planned things for our greater purpose and He has brought us together to please Him. He is working everyday to show Himself to the people here at Summer Beach Project and the people that we work with.
Brothers and Sisters, I ask that you pray for His will to continue to be done and His love to continue to be shown to these people. I would love to pray for any of you, so please let me know if there are any specific prayer requests that I can be keeping in my prayers.
God bless,
J.a.Smith
Monday, June 29, 2015
Sunday, December 21, 2014
The last year in a brutally honest testimony
Greetings. It has been quite a long time, since I've posted here. I apologize for being absent for so long. Here's a brutally honest recap and testimony of the last year of my life. Let's start by going back in time to last Fall where I met one of the most influential people and mentors in my life. I could not be more thankful for the blessings God has used her for in my life and how much she has offered to my growth. Her name is Lesley, and she is a staff member for ministry on campus. Lesley and I met one night at McDonald's when her and a friend were looking for somewhere to sit because they and approximately 30 other people came rushing in all at once. I was catching up with a friend at the time and didn't have a clue who they were or where they came from. Since Lesley and her friend needed somewhere to sit, and my friend and I were taking up a booth just the two of us we invited them to sit with us. Instant friends. So much so that Lesley asked if we could get lunch the next day. Quickly our friendship developed into mentor/mentee/bestfriends. For the rest of the school year Lesley and I spent a lot of time together. She mentored me and pushed me to look at my life and relationship with the Lord. She saw the empty, broken, and sinful life that I lived and she loved me anyway. She asked the hard questions and lead me to the answers of my questions. She was the first person to ever stop me from running away and force me to face the life that I constantly lived, but at the same time constantly denied as my own.
Fast-forward to Spring 14: In March, right before spring break I started to piece together some things about my life and started to realize that maybe I didn't have everything together as much as I had assumed. I was making good grades. I was a good friend and I was working hard. I had done all kinds of things to make a good name for myself among my peers. And the more I told myself that "I" had done all of these good things, the more I realized "I" was the problem that I kept trying to find a solution for. "I" was the reason I was never happy. The week before spring break I spent every night at Lesley's house, asking her questions, crying because I knew the answers, but I was hoping for a different glimpse on the truth. Though as hard as I tried, the truth is FOREVER the truth. In those heartfelt nights of tears and tough conversations I realized that I was not the Christian I had been claiming to be. I was not a Christian at all in fact. I was living a lie and acting like a good Samaritan all along, never realizing that I was just convincing myself my good deeds were all I needed. I thought that being a good person on paper was what life was all about. For those of you who may be saying: "wait, that's what my life looks like. I do all of these good things. Does that mean I'm not a Christian?" Well, that's not what I'm saying. I didn't do good things for the glory of God. I didn't do things for the betterment of His Kingdom. I didn't do things so that HE could get the glory, I did things so that I..ME..Jackie could get the glory. I wanted to be known as that girl that did great things, nice things, etc for everyone. I wanted MY name to be known. I wanted to have people saying... "oh man JACKIE. She's so awesome." It's not about that.
After that week I ran. I ran away from Lesley. I ran away from God. I ran away from the questions, the answers, everything. I ran because "I can take care of me." "I'm ok." I didn't go to Campus Outreach. I didn't go to church. I didn't go near a bible. I didn't go near anyone that had been a part of leading me. They would text, call, try to catch me after class. I deleted, rejected and dodged. You couldn't catch me for anything. All the while making sure that every person I knew was aware of how "GREAT" I was, how "HAPPY" I was, and how absolutely okay I was. Still, every night I went home struggling, fighting myself to keep going. I was tired. I was beat. I WAS EXHAUSTED. I didn't even have the energy to keep crying myself to sleep after a while. I knew I was lost, but I was going to find myself. I didn't need help. I told myself that too many times. "I know Jesus, and I'm taking care of myself. That's all I need." It was NEVER true.
After fighting it for a long time, I signed up to go to Summer Beach Project. I kept telling myself that I didn't deserve the love God had for me because I didn't love myself, I had done "this, that and the other" wrong thing. "I was the worst, ugliest sinner ever." I told myself that over and over, but I continued to claim knowledge and acceptance of the unconditional love, grace, and mercy of Christ. It was a lie. The minute that I judged myself and decided whether or not I was good enough, was the moment I had condemned myself to a life of sin and death. By convincing myself that I would take care of myself because I wasn't good enough for God, I was boldly refusing the unconditional love, grace, and mercy of Christ. Quite frankly, I was insulting Him. In a way, saying "I know that you died on a cross for me and my sins. I know that you came and suffered a mortal life, filled with betrayal, scrutiny and so much more. But I'm not going to accept the ultimate sacrifice of life that you gave for me." I was childish, rude, ignorant, and absolutely TERRIFIED. I was scared of not having control, disappointing Him, and never being good enough. So I kept trying to do and to be. Again, all things ME getting in the way. It was in my second week at Project that I finally admitted to God (not that He didn't already know), to the world, and most importantly to myself that I was living a lie. I was having a one-on-one with my room leader and d-group leader and she boldly asked, "Jackie, can you please tell me what is holding you back? Lesley has been leading you for months now, you have heard the gospel, you know the Gospel truths and you know that you aren't a Christian. What is holding you back from submitting to Christ and claiming God as your Father?" It was then that I told the truth about my life, my fears, my feelings, and everything else. It was that moment that spurred a transformation in my heart. I spent the whole next day thinking. It was a weird day. Nothing was overly important. Nothing was sticking out to me. There was just something different, but I was pondering my whole entire life. I was pondering what I had just admitted. I was pondering the question, so much so that a dear friend of mine called me aside to talk because she saw that I "needed to talk about something." I didn't know what to say, but she and I just started talking. She told me a story of some children that impacted her and reminded her of how God looks at us and then she asked me what really had gotten me thinking all this time and I told her about the question I had been asked, what the answer was, and what lead me to project to this point. She asked me one thing "When you finally went back to Lesley and told her about every mistake you made and everything that you had done (after I had avoided her for a month), what did she say?" I knew the answer immediately, but I hesitated in responding because right then I felt like it wasn't me thinking, it was someone else speaking to me. All Lesley had said to me was "I love you." That's all it took. I paused to try to grasp what I had just realized, but I couldn't quite grasp it in that moment, so I told my friend what Lesley had said to me and she just smiled back at me. She left me with that to think about for the rest of the evening.
I reflected on that moment for the next couple of hours and I realized that if she could still love me and I believed wholeheartedly that she still loved me, how could I ever believe that someone who gave their own son for me did not love me. Lesley, someone who had spent countless hours of time and effort loving me, leading me, and pushing me to grow closer to the Lord, still loved me after I avoided her, blatantly disregarded every word she said to me, and sinned relentlessly. Lesley, a sinful human, loved me despite my mistakes and my failings. It was then that I spoke to God like He was right in front of me. I gave my life to Him. I asked Him to take it and to show me His ways. I've never smiled, cried, laughed, and felt completely joyous or thankful like I did that day. It was like nothing I had ever experienced and it's nothing that I could ever explain to you to fully, because the only thing that can describe that day is God.
How did my life change after that day? Well, for the first time in years I gave up the use of profanity completely, I held my head up in true joy, I didn't doubt the smile on my face, I didn't doubt what I knew, because I finally knew that God is my savior. I went through the rest of my summer facing demons of my past as God called them to the forefront of my mind and asking me to let go of it all. I learned more and more everyday about what it meant to grow my relationship with the Lord and how to seek Him out. I learned how to see, confront, and attack my sin every day. Leaving project and saying goodbye to the best living environment I had ever experienced was difficult, because I woke up everyday looking to know God better, and being encouraged by ALL of my peers to seek that relationship out.
Once I got back to school life changed even more. I was burdened, tempted, and distracted. It's not all rainbows and flowers. The "real world" more or less was twice as hard as I could have imagined. I was burdened for the souls of those around me, and I just wanted to save them. I wanted to help them, and that's where I was tempted. I was tempted to let myself become the center of attention again and let myself fall back into habitual sins in a place that I sinned the most. I was burdened for the hearts and souls of the people around me everyday. I was tempted by the idea of being the one to "save" them. I was distracted by the noise of everyday life. Coming back to school and the "real world" made for one of the hardest semesters of my entire life, but one of the biggest learning situations for me. (I'll explain more about that in my next blog.) I tell you all of this because I didn't want you to think that my life just made a complete turn around in that one moment, that one day of realization. My life is a constant work in progress to live like Christ more everyday, to know Christ more everyday, and to die to myself more each and everyday in an effort to do so. The best part is that everyday I fight another temptation or face a difficult time in my life, as long as I do it with Him at the forefront of my life I have faith and trust that everything will work out for the best. I don't need a sun-filled day with everything I ever asked for to be happy. I am joyous enough with Christ in my life. So I do struggle. Every day. I still face tough times and sin, but it's all with Christ and a new life.
So that is what the last year of my life has looked like. If you want to hear anything else feel free to contact me. I'll figure out how to make that easier hear soon. If you have any questions about what I learned or what I'm doing now, I'm open to answer.
Have a very Merry Christmas with your family and friends! Remember the reason for the season!
Peace and love!
J.a.Smith
After that week I ran. I ran away from Lesley. I ran away from God. I ran away from the questions, the answers, everything. I ran because "I can take care of me." "I'm ok." I didn't go to Campus Outreach. I didn't go to church. I didn't go near a bible. I didn't go near anyone that had been a part of leading me. They would text, call, try to catch me after class. I deleted, rejected and dodged. You couldn't catch me for anything. All the while making sure that every person I knew was aware of how "GREAT" I was, how "HAPPY" I was, and how absolutely okay I was. Still, every night I went home struggling, fighting myself to keep going. I was tired. I was beat. I WAS EXHAUSTED. I didn't even have the energy to keep crying myself to sleep after a while. I knew I was lost, but I was going to find myself. I didn't need help. I told myself that too many times. "I know Jesus, and I'm taking care of myself. That's all I need." It was NEVER true.
After fighting it for a long time, I signed up to go to Summer Beach Project. I kept telling myself that I didn't deserve the love God had for me because I didn't love myself, I had done "this, that and the other" wrong thing. "I was the worst, ugliest sinner ever." I told myself that over and over, but I continued to claim knowledge and acceptance of the unconditional love, grace, and mercy of Christ. It was a lie. The minute that I judged myself and decided whether or not I was good enough, was the moment I had condemned myself to a life of sin and death. By convincing myself that I would take care of myself because I wasn't good enough for God, I was boldly refusing the unconditional love, grace, and mercy of Christ. Quite frankly, I was insulting Him. In a way, saying "I know that you died on a cross for me and my sins. I know that you came and suffered a mortal life, filled with betrayal, scrutiny and so much more. But I'm not going to accept the ultimate sacrifice of life that you gave for me." I was childish, rude, ignorant, and absolutely TERRIFIED. I was scared of not having control, disappointing Him, and never being good enough. So I kept trying to do and to be. Again, all things ME getting in the way. It was in my second week at Project that I finally admitted to God (not that He didn't already know), to the world, and most importantly to myself that I was living a lie. I was having a one-on-one with my room leader and d-group leader and she boldly asked, "Jackie, can you please tell me what is holding you back? Lesley has been leading you for months now, you have heard the gospel, you know the Gospel truths and you know that you aren't a Christian. What is holding you back from submitting to Christ and claiming God as your Father?" It was then that I told the truth about my life, my fears, my feelings, and everything else. It was that moment that spurred a transformation in my heart. I spent the whole next day thinking. It was a weird day. Nothing was overly important. Nothing was sticking out to me. There was just something different, but I was pondering my whole entire life. I was pondering what I had just admitted. I was pondering the question, so much so that a dear friend of mine called me aside to talk because she saw that I "needed to talk about something." I didn't know what to say, but she and I just started talking. She told me a story of some children that impacted her and reminded her of how God looks at us and then she asked me what really had gotten me thinking all this time and I told her about the question I had been asked, what the answer was, and what lead me to project to this point. She asked me one thing "When you finally went back to Lesley and told her about every mistake you made and everything that you had done (after I had avoided her for a month), what did she say?" I knew the answer immediately, but I hesitated in responding because right then I felt like it wasn't me thinking, it was someone else speaking to me. All Lesley had said to me was "I love you." That's all it took. I paused to try to grasp what I had just realized, but I couldn't quite grasp it in that moment, so I told my friend what Lesley had said to me and she just smiled back at me. She left me with that to think about for the rest of the evening.
I reflected on that moment for the next couple of hours and I realized that if she could still love me and I believed wholeheartedly that she still loved me, how could I ever believe that someone who gave their own son for me did not love me. Lesley, someone who had spent countless hours of time and effort loving me, leading me, and pushing me to grow closer to the Lord, still loved me after I avoided her, blatantly disregarded every word she said to me, and sinned relentlessly. Lesley, a sinful human, loved me despite my mistakes and my failings. It was then that I spoke to God like He was right in front of me. I gave my life to Him. I asked Him to take it and to show me His ways. I've never smiled, cried, laughed, and felt completely joyous or thankful like I did that day. It was like nothing I had ever experienced and it's nothing that I could ever explain to you to fully, because the only thing that can describe that day is God.
How did my life change after that day? Well, for the first time in years I gave up the use of profanity completely, I held my head up in true joy, I didn't doubt the smile on my face, I didn't doubt what I knew, because I finally knew that God is my savior. I went through the rest of my summer facing demons of my past as God called them to the forefront of my mind and asking me to let go of it all. I learned more and more everyday about what it meant to grow my relationship with the Lord and how to seek Him out. I learned how to see, confront, and attack my sin every day. Leaving project and saying goodbye to the best living environment I had ever experienced was difficult, because I woke up everyday looking to know God better, and being encouraged by ALL of my peers to seek that relationship out.
Once I got back to school life changed even more. I was burdened, tempted, and distracted. It's not all rainbows and flowers. The "real world" more or less was twice as hard as I could have imagined. I was burdened for the souls of those around me, and I just wanted to save them. I wanted to help them, and that's where I was tempted. I was tempted to let myself become the center of attention again and let myself fall back into habitual sins in a place that I sinned the most. I was burdened for the hearts and souls of the people around me everyday. I was tempted by the idea of being the one to "save" them. I was distracted by the noise of everyday life. Coming back to school and the "real world" made for one of the hardest semesters of my entire life, but one of the biggest learning situations for me. (I'll explain more about that in my next blog.) I tell you all of this because I didn't want you to think that my life just made a complete turn around in that one moment, that one day of realization. My life is a constant work in progress to live like Christ more everyday, to know Christ more everyday, and to die to myself more each and everyday in an effort to do so. The best part is that everyday I fight another temptation or face a difficult time in my life, as long as I do it with Him at the forefront of my life I have faith and trust that everything will work out for the best. I don't need a sun-filled day with everything I ever asked for to be happy. I am joyous enough with Christ in my life. So I do struggle. Every day. I still face tough times and sin, but it's all with Christ and a new life.
So that is what the last year of my life has looked like. If you want to hear anything else feel free to contact me. I'll figure out how to make that easier hear soon. If you have any questions about what I learned or what I'm doing now, I'm open to answer.
Have a very Merry Christmas with your family and friends! Remember the reason for the season!
Peace and love!
J.a.Smith
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
Summer Adventures
So, this summer I have a fabulous opportunity to learn, grow, and strengthen a relationship that I have been longing for, for quite some time now. I will be spending nine weeks rooming with 5-7 complete strangers in a rundown motel known as "the Sandman." I will live among these girls, most likely work with them, and be a part of a community of 200-250 college students who are living in this motel with them. These girls are what will become my family for the summer. It is said that your room is your family and everyone at Project is your community. Project (AKA Summer Beach Project) is a program put on by an international ministry known as Campus Outreach. I will be spending 9 weeks of my time at Project, but don't worry it's all of 200 yards from the beach, if that, so I won't be hurting to terribly bad. During these nine weeks, yes I will be spending a lot of time with people that I don't know and working a full time job, which will be hard, but the best part of project, the whole purpose of project... is what we do when we're not at work.
SBP gives me the opportunity to surround myself with a lifestyle for Christ. What we do when we are not at work consists of Bible studies, missions, one-on-ones with staff and other project-goers, and training. Now, of course you're asking, "what kind of 'training?'" Well, I'll gladly tell you. The training we will be going through is how to study the bible, how to reach other people and build relationships, and how to begin conversations with the people in your life about Christ and their faith. We will learn how to invest in peoples lives, not badger them with biblical stories and quotes, but show them the love of Christ through a friendship. It is through friendship that I came to know Christ's love for me, and it is through friendship that I have tried to show love to other people. I will never be able to show people the amount of love that Christ has for them, but if I can show them how much love I have for them, then, just then, maybe they will understand the true, immeasurable love of Christ for them.
I chose to go to Summer Beach Project, because I need Christ in my life, and I believe that He has lead me to Project this summer. I am excited to strengthen my relationship with Christ and learn how to have a committed relationship with Christ, because (if I am being honest with you, which I try to be) I have had a faltering and wavering relationship with Christ my entire life. I have had good months bad months, terrible months, and maybe a couple great weeks, but never a steady relationship with the Lord, so I made the commitment to go to Project this summer as a commitment to Him and our relationship.
I will be doing my best to post throughout the summer, and tell adventures about my progress and the fun that is going on down in Florida this summer, but as I will be working a 40 hour week, taking an online class, volunteering with a local ATC, and doing my best to be living presently at Project and not on my computer the whole time it may not be a steady posting. I will do my absolute best.
~J.a.Smith~
Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight."
SBP gives me the opportunity to surround myself with a lifestyle for Christ. What we do when we are not at work consists of Bible studies, missions, one-on-ones with staff and other project-goers, and training. Now, of course you're asking, "what kind of 'training?'" Well, I'll gladly tell you. The training we will be going through is how to study the bible, how to reach other people and build relationships, and how to begin conversations with the people in your life about Christ and their faith. We will learn how to invest in peoples lives, not badger them with biblical stories and quotes, but show them the love of Christ through a friendship. It is through friendship that I came to know Christ's love for me, and it is through friendship that I have tried to show love to other people. I will never be able to show people the amount of love that Christ has for them, but if I can show them how much love I have for them, then, just then, maybe they will understand the true, immeasurable love of Christ for them.
I chose to go to Summer Beach Project, because I need Christ in my life, and I believe that He has lead me to Project this summer. I am excited to strengthen my relationship with Christ and learn how to have a committed relationship with Christ, because (if I am being honest with you, which I try to be) I have had a faltering and wavering relationship with Christ my entire life. I have had good months bad months, terrible months, and maybe a couple great weeks, but never a steady relationship with the Lord, so I made the commitment to go to Project this summer as a commitment to Him and our relationship.
I will be doing my best to post throughout the summer, and tell adventures about my progress and the fun that is going on down in Florida this summer, but as I will be working a 40 hour week, taking an online class, volunteering with a local ATC, and doing my best to be living presently at Project and not on my computer the whole time it may not be a steady posting. I will do my absolute best.
~J.a.Smith~
Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight."
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Time, Control, Balance, etc
Getting things done is always a good feeling. Knowing you accomplished something. Knowing that you can mark something off of your checklist. It is very relieving, and it makes you feel good about yourself and your day. Yesterday, I got a decent amount of things done, but I'm hoping to get a few more things done today. I have a lot of potential. I just waste it.
This post is about how much I get done, but how much I don't feel accomplished because the things I get done don't matter. I choose to do the things that are pointless. They mean something to me, but they don't do any greater good for the family or for my progression into college. Like right now. I love writing these blogs, and I always feel like I have done something when I complete one, but this isn't helping me get anywhere in life. Writing this blog does not help me with preparing for college in a month, for finishing some other writing I need to do, for reading the book that my college requires, for doing my fair share of activity around the house. This blog does nothing more than satisfy my need to fill the time in my days but thats the problem. This blog is a distraction. It is something that I enjoy, but it is something that keeps me from my real life. It keeps me from the things in my life that really matter. I want to be able to balance my social life, my writing life, and my necessary life as I'll call it for now.
I just wish there was more time. I wish I didn't have time constraints, and I wish I didn't have to worry about life and death. I wish I didn't have to worry about running out of time. I wish I had control of my life, but I don't. No one does. Not really. Think about it. The only thing you have control of are the decisions you make, but other than that your life is controlled by the things that surround your life. You make the decision to have a job, but they control your hours and require you to do certain things and be certain places. When you are married or have kids the other members of your family require you to be places or do things for them or take them places or help them with somethings. The people and things in our lives are what control our lives. The only thing we really control is whether or not we include them in our lives. If we include certain things and not others we can influence what controls our lives and what doesn't. SO more or less we do control our lives I suppose, but I guess it just depends on how you look at it.
Alright reader. I have to go. It was a good rant. I will catch you again sometime. Time to start my day.
Love you all!
~J.a.Smith~
This post is about how much I get done, but how much I don't feel accomplished because the things I get done don't matter. I choose to do the things that are pointless. They mean something to me, but they don't do any greater good for the family or for my progression into college. Like right now. I love writing these blogs, and I always feel like I have done something when I complete one, but this isn't helping me get anywhere in life. Writing this blog does not help me with preparing for college in a month, for finishing some other writing I need to do, for reading the book that my college requires, for doing my fair share of activity around the house. This blog does nothing more than satisfy my need to fill the time in my days but thats the problem. This blog is a distraction. It is something that I enjoy, but it is something that keeps me from my real life. It keeps me from the things in my life that really matter. I want to be able to balance my social life, my writing life, and my necessary life as I'll call it for now.
I just wish there was more time. I wish I didn't have time constraints, and I wish I didn't have to worry about life and death. I wish I didn't have to worry about running out of time. I wish I had control of my life, but I don't. No one does. Not really. Think about it. The only thing you have control of are the decisions you make, but other than that your life is controlled by the things that surround your life. You make the decision to have a job, but they control your hours and require you to do certain things and be certain places. When you are married or have kids the other members of your family require you to be places or do things for them or take them places or help them with somethings. The people and things in our lives are what control our lives. The only thing we really control is whether or not we include them in our lives. If we include certain things and not others we can influence what controls our lives and what doesn't. SO more or less we do control our lives I suppose, but I guess it just depends on how you look at it.
Alright reader. I have to go. It was a good rant. I will catch you again sometime. Time to start my day.
Love you all!
~J.a.Smith~
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